You're Not Alone

A genius friend of mine is starting a new venture. Hes an accomplished technologist, sales executive, consultant, and entrepreneur.

During a recent telephone conversation he said something striking. Before I tell you what he said, heres some background. Over the years, hes experienced his share of ups and downs in selling and business building, but hes unquestionably a success. He consistently earns in the moderate six-figures and it appears that he has recently become the beneficiary of a transaction exceeding $1 million. Now, after a short stint working for another consultant, hes itching to call his own shots. Heres what he said to me:

Andr, Im going to move ahead on my new business idea. Things are a little different than they were a few years ago. When I was working on that last business I was sitting in my basement, making calls and sending emails. I had no network. I felt alone in the process.

But now, he says, he feels he can make a go of it.

Heres whats striking. This is an individual who has no shortage of contacts. He once invited me over to his house for an impromptu get-together and I felt like I was waiting to get into New Yorks Studio 54 in its heyday. He had them packed in.

I would never think he would feel alone at anytime. Hes got a great personality, hes scary smart, and he has a sizable family and network of friends and business associates. Hes also waist deep in church and community activities and has legions of people who admire him. Yet when he described the experience of his last venture, he emphasized loneliness.

Entrepreneurs have often felt lonely believing that no one else shares their vision or their passion for building a business. But, we are not alone (pun intended) in that feeling. With todays growing workforce of soloists, telecommuters, work-at-home parents, independent salespeople, and virtual teams, loneliness is a feeling that millions are fighting.

During the ups and downs of completing a project, or finding new customers, the feeling of loneliness can set in and limit our vision and our productivity. It can be discouraging and be a wallop to that old self-esteem. And, with the gadgets we tote around, we unknowingly make it worse.

Technology thats supposed to connect us -- email, voicemail, and PDAs often fuels our loneliness, enabling us to do a better job of isolating ourselves. For some reason we dont treat every email or voicemail like a real person is behind it. Why acknowledge it?

Were also intentionally distracted. Were plugged into our new iPods, or tapping our PDA screen playing a game. How about using technology to interact with real people once in a while?

Teenagers are ahead in figuring this out, instant-messaging all day, but even they are lonely. Instant-messaging must often be combined with conference calls involving multiple friends for full effect. You see, you really need to hear someones voice.

Speaking of voice, theres the mobile phone. Its one of those technologies that help us cope with our loneliness. However, the obsessive use of mobile phones in our culture is perhaps the biggest clue that we are all eager to talk to somebody willing to hear our story. Walk down any street and youll see tons of people ignoring the people around them, talking to someone else on the telephone. As soon as we get into our cars we call somebody, so we wont be alone.

So what does this all mean to those in business and professional careers? I have three thoughts:

1. Make money. Loneliness is one of the biggest business opportunities I have seen in decades. If we can make our work and our businesses friendlier, more responsive, and more raucous like family gatherings, our businesses will soar. No matter how big our businesses, we have to make our customers, our friends and make them feel that way. Reach out. How about sending some freshly baked oatmeal raisin cookies to your friends? Better yet, how about delivering them?

2. Be nice to strangers. I know this is not the advice that your parents gave you, but there are millions of people looking for new contacts, conversations, and ideas. So what are you waiting for? Stop isolating yourself, turn off your mobile phone and strike up a conversation with the person next to you on line at the bagel store. Remember the old fashioned hello?

3. Unite and connect. How often have you called two people and introduced them to each other. If we are to cure this international epidemic of loneliness we must act now and decisively. Bring people together. Make life one big social gathering. And when someone gives you a new book, or tells you about a new restaurant, tell the author, restaurateur etc., how much you liked it. Write notes. Make calls. Be aggressively friendly. When people walk by and pretend they dont see you, shout Good Morning, loud enough to rattle their wisdom teeth.

Theres no need anymore to pretend that youre not lonely that youre too busy dealing with important people and projects. I know the truth. Im encouraging you to use your loneliness to your advantage. Most of the world is longing for what we used to call friends, to hear about their challenges, triumphs, and endeavors. Yes, this is you -- and youre not alone.

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